My story is long and involved. I really have been through a lot and don’t care to share all of it in this post. I suffered a lot as a kid, teen, and twenty-something. I am now 36 and life is picking up. I got a late start. I was the walking dead for a long time. I was the academic golden child that was expected to go to college right out of high school. Long story short, that shit didn’t happen kids. Way to gone to do it, and I regret it every day I live.
But now I’ve got that chance. I’ve been at a community college for a very long time and now, with this last semester, I have a chance at a BSIS, something I thought about when my name graced honor rolls, and highest GPA in my class awards were sitting on my desk. I am 36, and if my grades hold up for this semester, I will be a Pitt Panther.
All of this, all of these changes, my life going from great, to extremely painful, to painful and mediocre, to ascending…I don’t know how to handle it all. When I found out my grade in college algebra, all I wanted to do was run around the block or go to the gym. I was ecstatic and all that anxiety and happiness just waiting to be released. That was yesterday. I didn’t get there yesterday but I did today and WHOA!! I was locked in and focused, but not after a night of extreme anxiety and nervousness. Seriously, nighttime anxiety kinda feels like this:
I have an anxiety disorder now, amongst other things and the gym helps me shed those weird, foggy, electric vibes I get after good news anymore. I was so foggy last night, and electric and not feeling well. I wished I had gone to the gym! But I went today and I will get tired tonight and all will be well.
I am getting stronger and thinner, my life taking a turn for the stratosphere. Yeah. 😀